The difference between effective levels of assertiveness and aggression is when there is an absence of respect for other people. Aggressive behaviour is when there is no respect for others. However, you can be assertive whilst at the same time respecting the sensitivities of others. That essentially is what it means to have healthy boundaries.
Read my latest article on assertiveness and the keys to boosting self-esteem and self-confidence.
I read your article on assertiveness dated 18 October and want to thank you. It is timely intervention for me, personally, as this is an area I need to come to terms with. For too long the line between assertiveness and aggression has been blurred for me. So I’ve generally been “easy going” wrongly thinking that to assert my beliefs on a certain issue is aggression and that’s not a good thing. I see that I’m wrong. My persistent refusal to assert myself when I ought to have done so is a sure way to lose the confidence of the people I’m supposed to be leading. They interpret my silence as not being on top of the subject matter and, after while, they begin to sideline me ultimately leading to a total loss of respect for me as a department head. Your post is a good starting point for me. Hopefully I will soon discover why it is that I am so fearful of being assertive.
Hi Filimone, thank you for replying and glad that the article was of use. Healthy boundaries mean saying what needs to be said without worrying about the reaction from others. Try asserting yourself in minor incidents and occasions and then build up to the more important meetings and soon it will become automatic.
Noel.