Some people can find it difficult to say ‘no’. They may assume that it is impolite to refuse a request, whether that is an invitation to a social event or to be asked for information. Saying ‘yes’ is fine, so long as you are happy in complying with the request. The problem comes when you say ‘yes’ but you really mean ‘no’. There can be many reasons for behaving like this. It could be the result of historical messages received from your family (that you should always say ‘yes’, for instance), or from some other form of conditioning. It may also derive from a mistaken belief that you will upset or fall out with someone by saying ‘no’.
Saying ‘no’ is not about being rude or aggressive. Rather, it is about being authentic in the manner in which you behave and not doing something which you really don’t want to do. Aggression is when we have an absence of compassion. Being a ‘doormat’ is when we have too much compassion and insufficient levels of assertiveness.
The importance is in delivery, when saying ‘no’, by communicating in a calm and measured way. By doing this you will avoid raising defensiveness in others. There are many ways of saying ‘no’. Some tips can be had from reading my latest article on finding the most effective ways of learning to say ‘no‘.