Did you feel ostracised from family members, colleagues or from an individual and wonder what to do about whether to reconcile with them or to move on? If so, it could be that you have been scapegoated by a toxic system which is leading to being shut out or it could be that you are in a codependent relationship. The decision to walk away or to renegotiate the terms of a relationship can represent a highly challenging time, more so if you have long historical links. It can be more difficult if you are deciding whether to stay in a union especially if there are dependents to consider.
A rewarding and fruitful exercise, if deciding to renegotiate a relationship, could be to devise a statement of responsibility whereby new responsibilities are negotiated and agreed upon. However, it could also be rewarding to walk away if you feel it is not possible that a situation can become healthy again. Another useful exercise could be to devise your deal-breakers and red flags for relationships, essentially what you are prepared to put up with and what you walk away from straight away. This can be very individualistic as what one person considers a deal-breaker might just represent a flag to another. The key is to know your own which is what makes healthy boundaries.
Yesterday I had the pleasure of chatting with Keith Wilson, author, licensed mental health counselor and certified alcohol and substance abuse counselor based in Rochester, New York State. In this interview, see link below, we discussed Keith’s latest book The Road To Reconciliation: A Comprehensive Guide to peace When relationships Go Bad. This interview covered topics such as constructive conflict, forgiveness, codependency, healing resentments and how to make an apology. The discussion also dealt with the question of when to walk away from destructive and toxic situations rather than seek to reconcile with people who might not be capable of offering such healing opportunities.
Noel Bell is a UKCP accredited psychotherapist based in London and can be contacted on 07852407140.
