How to avoid the victim role and enjoy better relations

Do you regularly find yourself blaming others for your plot in life? Do you often feel helpless and powerless in your dealings with other people? Do you struggle to make decisions and enjoy pleasurable experiences in life? If these questions resonate with you then you may be triggering the victim mentality when dealing with other people.

The “Karpman drama triangle” is a useful tool in bringing awareness to how humans relate to each other and can be attributed to Dr Stephen Karpman, a student of Eric Berne’s Transactional Analysis. Berne was a Canadian psychiatrist and was the author of The Games People Play. Karpman borrowed heavily from Berne and used triangles to map conflicted or drama-intense relationships and involves three people unconsciously playing out three roles that mirror their attitudes and behaviour. Whereas Berne used the parent/adult/child triangle Karpman used persecutor/victim/rescuer. Karpman referred to them as being the three aspects, or faces of drama.

Rescuers tend to find victims, as victims are seeking saviours. Co-dependent relationships involve one person enabling another’s laziness, addiction, recklessness, emotional immaturity or irresponsibility. Persecutors will blame the victims and criticise the enabling behaviour of rescuers.

A way of seeking to “escape” the Drama Triangle is to firstly bringing more awareness to how you operate in the world. The target is to function as an “adult” and not participate in the game. Once you gain greater insight into the way you operate in the world you can free up negative psychic energy. There is a fresh flow of vitality and positive energy when you realise that that there are other, more positive, ways of behaving. The dynamic of your relationships can change for the better.

For more information see my article: How to avoid the victim role and enjoy better relations